HOHENFELS, Germany \u2014 My eyes welled with tears of happiness, and I cried as I had never cried before. For 20 years, I fought against who I am. But that day was the closest I ever felt to freedom. It was June 30, 2016, and Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter had just\u00a0announced\u00a0an end to the United States military\u2019s ban on transgender service.<\/p>\n
My name is Jennifer Sims. I am a United States Army captain and a transgender woman who has served my country with distinction for more than six years. I am speaking for myself here, not on behalf of the Army or the government, but I suspect my feelings resonate with other transgender service members.<\/p>\n
Every transgender person has a different story. For me, growing up in Florida and Minnesota, I never felt right as a boy, struggling to conform to what that meant. It was before the internet and smartphones were everywhere, so I never heard the word \u201ctransgender\u201d or had any way to look up confidentially what I was feeling. I thought it was simply a phase I was going through.<\/p>\n
Like many transgender women before they come out, I tried to act as masculine as I could. I played every sport possible, and always tried to be the strongest, fastest boy on the playground. My family has a history of military service, so I told people my dream was to be in the Army. What could be manlier than joining the military? In my sophomore year at Florida Atlantic University, I joined Army R.O.T.C. I also finally began to accept myself, but I didn\u2019t come to the conclusion that I am transgender until 2010, almost a year after I had committed to an Army R.O.T.C. scholarship.<\/p>\n
My choices were simple, yet complex: serve the nation or serve myself. On the one hand, I no longer felt the need to act supermasculine in my life, and I saw a path forward. On the other, I saw a nation at war and I wanted to help. In the end, I couldn\u2019t resist the call to serve. In 2011, I graduated and accepted my commission as a second lieutenant in the Army. Eight months later, I was in Afghanistan managing communications for an aviation task force in Zabul Province.<\/p>\n
For more than four years, I suppressed my secret. Living a lie left me utterly exhausted, but the worst part was never being able to talk to anyone about what I was feeling. I had served in Afghanistan, Indonesia and Germany, and my mental health was deteriorating. I was depressed and found little enjoyment in life.<\/p>\n
That all changed in July 2015 when the Department of Defense announced that it would begin studying open transgender service. I came out to my family, and when I could, I started living more of my life as myself. It wasn\u2019t perfect, though, as I had to continue keeping this hidden at work. A military unit is like a living being, and a senior leader coming out as transgender in the wrong way could become a self-destructive virus. I felt it was my duty to keep anything about being transgender from making its way into the workplace until the time was right.<\/p>\n
The day the policy officially changed I immediately sought medical care but had to wait while everyone in the Army became familiar with the new guidelines. In November 2016, I began my medical transition. Each day was better than the one before, but it wasn\u2019t until last April that I felt true freedom for the first time. In consultation with my commander, I came out to my unit. Although some were slow to accept me, there have not been any disruptions to the unit\u2019s operations because of my revelation.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m pleased that the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff is\u00a0seeking to clarify\u00a0President Trump\u2019s\u00a0announcement on Wednesday\u00a0about barring transgender people from serving in the military. But I won\u2019t feed the expected narrative about the commander in chief ending my dreams of a military career; I\u2019m ready for civilian life when my commitment is up and focused on attending law school. I will simply say that, from what I have experienced, open transgender service strengthens our military. Enabling soldiers to pursue their gender identity allows them to feel a part of the Army\u2019s team and empowers them to be all they can be. Every soldier deserves to have that experience, including the thousands who are transgender.<\/p>\n
The last two years, the years I\u2019ve been transitioning, have been the most productive so far of my eight-year commitment to the Army, and I can only imagine what else I could have accomplished if I had felt unencumbered during those first four years. Despite everything I\u2019ve been through, and regardless of my future plans, until the day I am no longer in uniform, I will continue contributing everything I can in service of the nation.<\/p>\n
Jennifer Sims
\n\u00a9 2017 The New York Times Company<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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